260 Million Americans Didn’t Do this

Der Spiegel February 3 cover by Edel Rodriguez.

Most of us have nothing to do with setting this shameful precedent. Our ancestors — and by genetic extension thereof (since history is a living thing), we — may have killed the natives. Enslaved the Africans. Horribly abused our women, children, and workers. Stolen half of Mexico. Occupied many islands thousands of miles away. Launched neocolonial corporate interventions in 100 countries. Used chemical weapons in five Asian ones. And dropped two nuclear bombs.

But it wasn’t us man. Nor was this election. It was our fucking parents and grandparents. And as aging humans are wont, they’ll be dead soon. It’s an indecent thing to say, and we’ll miss them when they’re gone; but not their politics. Which oblivion is probably the only truly modernizing force that can actually overhaul politics without trampling human rights and the rule of law, or making a mockery of the few ostensible values we have left.

Not that great

Good thing too. Can’t happen soon enough. Because in his 63 million voters’ rejection of climate science, the precedent’s volk literally threaten to destroy the planet. Or to at least watch it ignite and let it burn. Don’t forget how hard western civ supremacists worked to be feared. Their supranational, eurochristian projects span both generations and borders:

Crusades, inquisition, indigenous genocides, slavery, holocaust, atom bombs, assassinations, torture, endless interventions, the surveillance state, wars on communism, drugs, and terror, military and prison industrial complexes, and one irreal corporate media, celebrity philanthropist class to rule us all.

Which diehard merica-lovers’ fat, fucking lazy, no questions, consequences, or information asses empower through clicks, retweets, and shares. Lending future generations the errant misimpression that these jackasses ever had some sort of a mandate to govern. Conservative christian racists have proven time and again they deserve to be feared. They’ve earned it. Fear them. And in America, no one else is more heavily armed or eager to open fire.

Christians burn crosses at a 1920s Indiana klan rally.

It’s a big, diverse country. Even compromises around the lowest common denominator are hard to reach. What most people find least offensive is rare indeed. And we’ve been killing one another over class and racial bullshit in pursuit of it for our entire history. But these days, one ideological collective stands head and shoulders above all others in potential for violence:

Godfearing, gunclinging, crossburning churchgoers. And with these dopes bent on the destruction of everything for which the flag’s supposed to stand, it’s a miracle it still flies. Or even means anything at all.

Already great?

Growing up midwest among these savages, I had no doubt that liberals are the ones who hate America. Imagine my shock when I learned conservatives actually loathe it even more. They only loved it until we elected a halfblack president. Then it suddenly sucked. And they all changed their fucking tune to make it great. Again. Implying it abruptly isn’t.

That’s weird. Throughout my lifetime since 1983, I distinctly recall that it’s been overwhelmingly old rightwing white guys robotically averring we’re always number one (or number 14 now). Love it or leave it they used to say. America’s already so great everyone in the world wants to come here!

Gunlovers and godbotherers back then awoke to Reagan’s mourning in America. Eagerly shaming irreverent radicals who dared dispute the sacred, American exceptionalist, received wisdom. Consumers throve on it. Rush, O’Reilly, and Hannity got rich on it. Thoughtless dismissiveness that any and all criticism — however warranted or justified — is anti or unamerican.

To paraphrase one of the slaveowning aristocrat founding fathers they wetdream about: the tree of liberty can only truly be watered in a complete and utter information vacuum. Must be. Only explanation for a churchgoing kid like me why bewildering kith and kin suffusing my daily existence were so predisposed to the violence and hate jesus ostensibly taught us to oppose.

Pro-life, war, nuclear, and business. Anti-labor, science, peace, and rights. All men created equal only if they say so. Until that shit becomes inconvenient.

Because some of us ain’t even human at all.

Make it great for once

Which is not to say America shouldn’t be great by all means though! And the great it we all yearn for is one of immigrants, minorities, and freedoms that don’t openly outright threaten others. Not just white christians who got here second, quickly wiped out the red animists who got here first, and went on to almost make it great on top of their bones. But not quite.

So lo verily we sayeth unto thee o conservative brethren, we respect your fear. We get it. And can relate man. Because we’ve been trying to tell you for years that shit ain’t all that great! Since at least Nixon or Reagan. If not all the way back to slavery and settlement. Especially not for America’s natives, nonwhites, and last-to-vote women.

Who doubtless also have reasons to love our country. Just not the first 300 years of it. As white male settlers squatted and murdered their way across an already inhabited land. Carving a new world out of the frontier and its tragic, hapless original occupants. Erected in the ashes of the red and brown. And built on the whipscarred backs of the victimized blacks.

We’re all in it together and must learn to share this land. Not only with the people from whom we stole it, but also with the rest of the world’s teeming misery. There is no civil space in civilized society for white patriarchs who want to get together and reminisce about the good ole days of beating their niggers, kids, and wives. And who would happily oblige it again. But take heart, demographics will save us from the fervid clutches of angry old men and their self-loathing, submissive nonwhite and female enablers.

If it’s truly the land of immigrants, city on a hill, beacon, or lighthouse unto the world, then let it be. But merica fucking first don’t want to hear that shit! Always first! At whatever cost and whomever’s expense.

However cruel and stupid the justification for its exceptionalism need be.

The left will not be victimized

Astute observers have warned of this phenomenon for years, only to be met with derisive countrymen’s scorn: love it or leave it. And while these no-questions-asked creatures of pure convenience are indeed free to believe whatever preposterous contradictions they like, they’re not free to force it down the rest of our throats as collateral damage during their once-in-a-lifetime chance to legislate away the last 100 years of human and civil rights.

If they think they can weaponize freedoms they claim once made us great back against us, they should think again. Because the leftist rest of us aren’t weak. Had the corporate ruling classes of prefascist Germany and Spain not moved the goalposts and changed the rules halfway through the game — suspending constitutions and relying on outside intervention — both the spartacists and republicans would have won.

And before those first generation German and Spanish antifas almost pulled off big interwar upsets against the dark forces of fascism, the internationalist proletariat did succeed in Russia. They may have ended up just as fucked under the red czar as they were under the white, but they tried. We didn’t.

Our revolution was fought over the draft and taxes. Next to nothing. And both still everyday realities of American life. Yet we revere 1776 as though it were some watershed moment when we freed ourselves from some great, burdensome yoke.

Shit. Life in merry old England ain’t that bad. More people want to go there now than the states anyway. And all those socialist countries in Europe our ancestors fled are also starting to sound pretty nice compared to the mess we’ve made of America.

Just consider what life’s like under the crown: Canada leads the world in quality of life and would-be immigrants. Australia is fourth. New Zealand ninth. And the UK number 12. Life in the commonwealth certainly sounds alright.

And in a hurtful blow to white supremacy, even her majesty’s Asian subjects outperform us rebels against her third great grandfather in the Economist’s where to be born index. With Hong Kong, Singapore, and Taiwan all edging us out.

Maybe we should have stuck it out with king George III. We still pay taxes and suffer military conscription anyway.

Patriotism: last refuge of the idiot

Self-righteously accusing the thinking class of hating America is a sign of the paucity of conservative thought. They’re not actually thinking. As evidenced by their base unfamiliarity with the real context for all of history. Everything their teachers, preachers, and parents taught them was a lie. Yet instead of being indignant about it they’re proud.

And refuse to consider the unthinkable alternative that they’re just gullible chumps misled into counterintuitive support for a trash politics and culture fundamentally opposed to both their own religious convictions and self-interest. Because miracles can happen, dreams can come true, who wants to be a millionaire or dance with the stars, and anyone can do anything in the land of opportunity and the free and home of the brave.

If we just work, want, and believe hard enough. And women, workers, and nonwhites have nothing to complain about. Because fast shitty food, reality tv, action movies, first person shooters, epidemic obesity, low STEM scores, and the hypersexualization of our twisted youth are high culture!

The whole point of this place is dynamism and growth. Our constitution is meant to evolve with society, not chain us to our troubled past. White rural christians should understand this. After all, their favorite part of the sacred founding document is the second correction to it. But like almost everything else, their sanctimonious hypocrisy knows no bounds of logic or decency.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in warmongering. Because we actually support the troops by opposing the war. If you want them to die, send them to fight it. If you want them to live, send them to college. Only jackasses claim being antiwar automatically makes you antisoldier. Balderdash!

Liberals just don’t want our or any other children to die for any reason. And such attitudes on the left are never progressive. We are antiwar. Almost always. Except in cases of holocaust. But even then, not if it’s in Africa.

This is why liberals couldn’t save the world from these jackasses’ latest reign of political terror. Because shiteater celebrity philanthropists who fund the democrats made our only candidate a warmonger who collaborated with team Cheney to create the arc of instability from Morocco to China. And some of us can still recall the Clinton white house’s troubling 1994 Rwanda inaction. But mad 1999 rush to save whites — muslims even! — in Kosovo.

Blind patriotism and unquestioning allegiance to this neolibercon legacy of ashes and shame is antifuturist bullshit. People who worked well with or defend America’s many crimes under the Dulles brothers, Hoover, Nixon, Goldwater, Kissinger, Rumsfeld, Reagan, Bush, Wolfowitz, Kagan, Kristol, Perle, Gershman, Gingrich, and Graham, or wield such endorsements as a badge of honor, are not liberals. They are closet conservatives who don’t understand why real liberals don’t welcome their coming out.

There is no glory in being the last stalwart nazi at Nuremberg to mumble: “just following orders.” It’s inevitable that retrogressive conservatives lose the world to diversity and tolerance. They will never be able to counter the cold, cruel, organic machinations of time and statistics. Population and mortality trends aren’t abstract ideas. Demographics don’t lie. They will die.

And in so doing, save us from the devolutionary mindset that rationalizes turning their backs on both their own values, as well as the rest of us fellow earthlings. Mulishly setting themselves apart from everyone else and the closed system we must all share and hope our kids one day inherit. That is if anything’s left after they extract, burn, exploit, and consume it all. But despite this, we could totally live with them.

If they’d only guarantee they won’t kill the rest of us.

Nobody forces America down anyone’s throat

Though at the same time relatively speaking and despite our jackass savant politics, the USA is a great fucking place. No one forces it down anyone’s throat. Canada may now be the world’s number one immigrant destination, but the whole world is still literally dying to come to America in leaky boats or across lethal deserts. Discordance incompatible with the antiamericanism often displayed by people beyond our borders.

We didn’t date rape anyone. We aren’t gaslighting anybody. The wretched refuse of all the the world’s teeming shore; its tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free; the homeless, tempest-tossed must have a reason for so desperately wanting to come here.

And the ideals that typify America — freedom, tolerance, diversity — aren’t just bedtime stories made up for heartland hometown kids to gloss over and feel better about our ancestors’ many historic crimes. Those really are our principles. And even the most radical liberal merica-haters among us believe in them. We’re just a consumer-driven democracy totally over it and lacking motivation to fully appreciate the threat posed by a resurgence of yesterday.

But for some reason everyone else has still been desperate to board us ever since. Despite all their criticisms and protestations to the contrary. Like our number one cultural export McDonald’s, they’re lovin’ it.

Whether they like it or not.

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