From Where I Lay as a Mother on Hearing the News of Yet Another Gut Wrenching School Shooting

Parkland, FL

Incredible Image by Keren Stanley on Instagram: gratefully used with permission

How can I find the strength to fight

It’s so clear what’s right

When I feel so defeated

I’m completely depleted

I don’t even know what to say

I can’t find the words to scream today

In a fetal position I cry and pray

How can we stand tall

When it feels like we have no voice at all

I have no oxygen to breathe

And I don’t even desire a reprieve

Because the mothers of the victims don’t get to, they have zero air

And I don’t think I have any to share

This pain is to much to bear

If it were me I think I’d give up

I’m not sure I could step up

How can I make a noise

Even one peep

When I just want to curl up and sleep

Through this nightmare

Yet all I do is care

Feeling so big

To find hope requires digging deep

Stabbed with daggers

Is how I feel

Kicked in the stomach

How long to heal

From more fucking tragic news

It’s worse then the blues

My Jefe’s daughter’s teacher is dead

This fucking country is deep in the red

It has me scared and filled with dread

The wind has been sucked out of me

I’m finding it near impossible to see

Or act like my day is fine

Cause I’m having a really fucking hard time

I don’t understand how my “leaders” are so blind

And why the fuck is there so much shame

So many fingers pointed

So many people to blame

Why can’t mental health be openly discussed

It should not be such a fuss

Being open is a must

If we are to help

If we are to ask for help

If we are to hug

Our arms around each other

Lifting each other up

Normally my inner healer hugs me in hope

Normally my inner guide of source helps me cope

But today though we are all still too sad

To find the energy to get mad

Normally I don’t want to feel angry

Yet today I yearn to not be lazy

I’d love to be a voice a positivity

And ignore our leaders naive-a-fucking-bullshitivity

I’d love be a voice of reason

Hopefully that comes tomorrow

Or next season

Today I look to Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle

For hope

And to steer me to cope

To guide me into how to feel

Where to begin

How to heal

This mourning we will begin

Feeling like we live in sin

For not protecting

And for how to stop projecting

I’m hugging my kids

In search of compassion

Please someone tell me how to begin

To get out of this sadness I despise

Do you hurt as much as me

Show me the light I want to see

Ready to rise

I’ll follow your advice

Praying to emerge



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