How a Typical Conversation With a Privileged Person Might Go

This is Iyanla. Iyanla does not play.

Scene 45: Cafe Noir

We see two friends enter, one is one color of skin, the other is another color of skin. They are both doing things.

White Girlfriend Who Is Clearly in the Know: So can I tell you? I was in philosophy class with Brian and we were having this super deep conversation, and I felt like I had to school him on his patriarchal, fake, pseudo-post-color-post-racial bullshit. And I had to break it down for him…nigger is just a word, right? I mean WE give it power, right? Like, we affirm or deny it’s meaning with its use. Its appropriation is the taking back of its root etymology. We strip its significance with every mention, every rap lyric; words only have meaning if we allow them to. Like, what the fuck does “chair” mean? Some fucking British dude with a wig or naked ass Greek dude with a little dick looked at some shit people sit in for leisure and was like “Yup , this shit is gonna be a chair,” and now motherfuckers go to Ikea and spend $500 for one to sit in their tiny shit hole of an apartment or House Hunters space and talk about the peeling paint and the lead walls or whatever.

Speaking of, what the fuck is up with Flint? They got these people out here drinking water the color of urine, dilapidated school buildings and books and Trump is sitting in the White House with his vagina grabbing thumb up his ass pulling us outta fucking climate control agreements so he can play mommy and daddy with Russia, or whatever. I mean, really? I miss Obama, dude. Straight-up. When we talk about a full human, and just a down-to-earth person, who definitely did more for race relations and Black folks than Cornell West and Tavis Smiley put together, it’s him for sure, right?!

Ohhh, I wonder if he said “my nigga” when he dapped up Kevin Durant that one time, or if he and Jay Z exchange rap flows or whatever. OMG I would fucking die if I saw him in person. I wonder how big his dick is? Obama’s, I mean. Not Jay Z’s cause he’s old, and well Bey is Bey, plus he’s way too light for me. I like ’em Idris Elba kinda chocolate, you know? Oooochile, gimme some Michael B. Jordan or that man in Moonlight? Capital Y-U-M-M-Y!

I just wish everyone understood all of this like you do, ya’ know?

The Black Girlfriend Who Has to Deal With the Aforementioned White Girlfriend in the Know: One, don’t ever say the word “nigga” to me, or any other Black person, for the entirety of your life ever. Two? Stop touching my fucking hair. I don’t know where your hands have been, it’s gross. And, no.