I’m Not Voting For Shitty White People

As A Black Man, I’m Not With Her Because She’s Not With Me, Etc.

And here we are. We’re roughly one month away from November 8, when, if you’re a voting-age African-American male, you’re being asked to choose between Bill Clinton’s wife who once called people who look like you a super-predator, and a guy who once sponsored hours upon hours of people who look like you giving each other blunt force concussive trauma to the head while wearing boxing gloves to run this country. We’ll get to a few other things, but, ummmm…yeah...no.

In the grand history of the many, many, many white slaveholders, segregationists, civil rights leader murderer abettors, Klansmen, sexists, bigots and classists who have run for the office of President of the United States in the past 228 years, it’s these two most comparatively benignly, yet devastatingly shitty assholes that signify a “peak shittiness” level that white Americans have reached. Maybe it’s time for us, as black men, in a last gasp effort to show that our lives may actually matter, to not vote AT ALL.

Yes, I understand that it’s some sort of non-criminal macro-aggression against my “American freedoms” to not partake in the election on November 8. If that’s your opinion, you’re entitled to it, but before you yell at me on the internets, hear me out.

There’s a guy somewhere in the country who looks like me who’s murdered, wrongly incarcerated, starving, homeless or literally dying of thirst who I feel a need to stand with as their “American freedoms” of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” have been taken away. Thus, in a display of non-violent protest, I’m NOT voting on Election Day.

Ultimately, if the history of either of these candidates shows us anything, as black men in America, our collective American freedom will absolutely be in the wrong hands for the next four years.

Electing Hillary Clinton as President is in no way mutually exclusive with black male freedom getting a shot in the arm. The “super-predator” point is important to bring up here again, as in places like my place of birth and current residence like Washington, DC, there’s still throngs of black male adults who were once what Hillary called “gangs of kids” with “[n]o conscience,” and “no empathy.” As well, instead of taking a humanistic route of discussing a history of “why they ended up that way” — that includes things of which she was likely vaguely-to-well aware of including COINTELPRO’s war against Black Power and a related, subsequent “War on Drugs” that deflated especially black men’s pride in self for 25 years in America — she first noted that we “[had] to bring [super-predators] to heel.” HEEL. Dogs heel. Kids who are now men being equated to literal dogs? They don’t “heel.” This is unconscionable, and not something that all of the whips, nae naes, Barack Obama cabinet memberships and ballads from Mary J. Blige should ever overcome.

As for Donald Trump, he’s a prime example of what happens when rich white men in poverty-stricken New York City take advantage of nouveau riche African-American men for access to a “black card.” Trump’s black card is important here. It’s in possessing it that allowed him to tell the world, a world that includes likely as many black American men as white American Tea Party birthers, that our fellow black American then-Presidential nominee Barack Obama was not an American citizen without being pummeled into the ground by a group of yes, “super-predators.”

In the Urban Dictionary, a “black card” is defined as “an imaginary card that all black people are born with and that mixed people have to earn that is constantly under threat of being revoked if said black person does not act black enough or in proper black ways.” More damning in definition is what Trump may *actually* have, which is a “nigga pass.” The “nigga pass” is a quiet “he cool” that’s given to White people with black cards that the Urban Dictionary defines as “[allowing] white people to use the word nigga.” Yes, this means that Donald Trump can pretty much get away with murder with black people without, again, being pummeled into the ground by “super-predators.”

The importance of a “nigga pass” in 2016’s election is important because in the past two Presidential election cycles, well over 90% of black people who vote have voted for and elected a REAL-LIFE BLACK PERSON AS PRESIDENT. Gone are the days that Black people were subjugated by having to judge white candidates by the width and honesty of their grins as they bore the internal pain and/or horror of eating metaphorical slave-era “hog maws confiscated from the Harlem sanctuary.” Now that Barack can’t run anymore, and we’re “post-racially” past the “hog maw” days, in 2016 just having a “nigga pass” will have to suffice.

Unless, of course, you’re Hillary. What’s most entertaining about Hillary Clinton is that she has attempted to borrow her husband Bill’s “black card” AND “nigga pass,” and she’s being laughably judged by a pre post-racial era standard in order to make her sweat to use a card that earned absolutely in no way whatsoever.

In a manner similar to Denzel Washington training Ethan Hawke’s character in Training Day, us as black men have laughed mightily as when she’s been served metaphorical “stewed and fried hog maws,” there’s no amount of “hot sauce in [her] bag” that can remove that awkward, yet quite-apparently disgusted “this tastes good” smile from her face. Whereas Bill blew the horn, dapped up the rappers, and yes, had the extra-marital affairs like sadly so many of us black men do, Hillary is never, and will never be, “[our] nigga.”

Yes, the above statements could be viewed as inherently sexist. Intriguingly though, how sexism figures into this is even more damning of white people. Moreover, it may say even more hard and depressing things about being a black man in America faced with 2016’s Presidential election.

Donald Trump loves grabbing sexy, thin and buxom white women “in the pussy,” which is not deplorable, lewd, or disturbing. Rather, it’s just flat out fucked up. Ideally, the public outcry toward this behavior should be the death knell for a level of shitty white privileged, corporate and/or rich-guy manhood that should’ve died when Sue Ellen, Kristin, Marilee or Miss Ellie almost killed J.R. Ewing on CBS’ Dallas in 1981. However, as a black man, it doesn’t make me immediately want to vote for Hillary Clinton, either.

As a black man desiring professional upward mobility, I wonder about the trickle-down effect of a white female President in the modern American workplace. Women’s rights and women’s equality are wonderful. But, there’s a deep-seated fear inside of me (and maybe other black men) that this one massive gain for women could lead to a situation where not even so much white women, but the kind of white women who could easily, for instance, hit a dab after putting a black man in prison and placate my still-free and hyper-sexualized black male existence by going on the Breakfast Club to explain herself, gain power. The idea that white women like these could end up in control in industries across the board is frightening to my humanity and defeating my professional upward mobility, too.

2016’s election is a Catch-22 for black men. At this ever-so-crucial time for us in American history, these are the two shittiest white people options from which to choose:

A bigot with a “nigga card” versus our “white friend” who’s amusingly awkward around African-Americans.

I’m not saying that all white people are this bad. But, when it comes to finding a white person to run the country in which I live, I can’t vote for either of these shitty white people. Nope, not me, not at all.