Sam Nunberg and MUST SEE TV!
When Sam Nunberg, star of the popular TV show “Sam Nunberg Gets Hit Over the Head With a Mallet and Then Says Stuff”, arrived at MSNBC looking disheveled, and high on PCP, the entire senior staff at MSNBC said “YAY!!!”, and “Hallelujah!”, and put him on the air as fast as they could possibly mic him.
Nunberg, a former Trump campaign advisor, who was fired for USING THE “N”-word on Facebook (much like a racist psychopath would)… waxed poetic about a bunch of issues.
- Nunberg said he will refuse to cooperate with Robert Mueller’s investigation and a grand jury subpoena, because he’d like to see what life is like inside of a federal prison.
— He also said:
- Trump definitely did illegal stuff.
- Manafort and Gates definitely did illegal stuff
- Hope Hicks and Corey Lewandowski definitely did illegal stuff.
- And that: he LOVES Roger Stone, to where his first thought in the morning before he opens his eyes is about Roger Stone, as well as his last thought before he goes to sleep, and in between, he dreams about Roger Stone. —
- Nunberg then burst into tears, crying “I love Roger Stone SO much!!”
- Nunberg then claimed he WASN’T drunk, moments before falling off his chair and throwing up.
Then, Nunberg told MSNBC’s Ari Melber, “I will laugh if I get put in jail. I’ll sit there, in jail, and laugh. Like an idiot. Like that time I fell down a flight of stairs and I laughed, or that time my head got slammed in that car door as it was closing, and I laughed. You’d be really surprised by what I think is funny…”
Then, Nunberg appeared on CNN. Erin Burnett (a human, from Earth, and a CNN anchor), also asked Nunberg if he was drunk. She then asked Nunberg how many fingers she was holding up, which Nunberg couldn’t answer. Erin Burnett then pulled out a small flashlight and checked Nunberg’s pupils, which she said did not contract, indicating a severe concussion, or head trauma.
Nunberg was also asked if his lawyer knew what he was up to at the moment, and about his plan to not comply with Mueller. Nunberg replied, “I guess he does now, but I didn’t talk to him, because I am a maniac.”
FINALLY, after speaking with Maya Wiley, a responsible adult, Nunberg was convinced to comply with Mueller and the grand jury, after Wiley acted out why he should using sock-puppets.
Nunberg is now looking into NEW methods to reward TV news shows and people that watch them. He told Burnett: “Oh, I think I’ll go on TV once a week, and do something bat-s**t crazy. I might just threaten the city, like The Riddler. Did you know I went to law school? Although technically it was more just a meth lab, but they gave me a diploma anyway!”
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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