Trump adds John McCain, Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins To Rapidly Growing Frenemies List. THREATENS Actual Real American Citizens Who Live In The States They Represent. Isn’t That FUN?

Tired Of “Winning” Yet? (He DID Say We’d Be Tired Of Winning….)

“Can You Believe This?” Asks Trump As He Redefines Irony.

Professional whiner, and sour-puss curmudgeon (who in his spare time screams at televisions, and is a champion of racism, xenophobia, with a soul-deep hatred of the poor and middle class), Donald J*. Trump, took a momentary respite of madcap-zany-antics-involving Russian money laundering, to address other terrifyingly comedic shenanagans he has on his agenda.

(* After much research I’ve determined his middle name is “Jackal”, and I’ve finally obtained an original copy of his actual birth certificate, via galactic post, which proves once, and for all, that Trump was NOT “born” in America, nor on Earth. To clarify and be completely factual; I say “born” but the document alludes that he was actually “hatched”. — We need to investigate this).

First, Trump singlehandedly decided to ban all transgender soldiers from the military. He really did. Here’s how that happened.

  1. A random thought occurred to Trump to not drink an entire bottle of Windex.
  2. He foolishly igrored that thought.
  3. Decided it tasted “SO blue!”
  4. Decided to ban all transgender people from serving in the US military.
  5. Spent a moment feeling proud of himself, for drinking glass cleaner, and having a maniacal idea afterwards.

Needless to say… this was weird, in every reality, except this one. Besides any moral or ethical issues, such as: all known moral and ethical issues… USUALLY, sweeping changes across all armed forces is something that’s discussed, with others, hopefully adults, before declaring it “law”, as opposed to Trump just pretending he’s King Charles VI*, but on angel dust.

(*aka “Charles the Mad”)

So, if you’re a transgender person, bravely and heroically serving in the military as someone who narrowly avoids being blown up by hostile outside forces every waking moment, you’ve now just been attacked by hostile inside forces. Assume, that anyone who owns a head with a working brain attached to it, would deem this as… a bit unfair.

Oh, but Trump was just warming up. He really was.

Coming off his hilarious one man show, where he:

  • threatened he can pardon anyone he wants, at anytime, for anything,
  • humiliated various cabinet members,
  • installed (his own version of “Sideshow Bob”), Anthony “Scary” Scaramucci, to provide a compelling and hysterical sideshow,
  • Told the police to go out of their way to “handle suspects roughly”. To which all American police collectively responded “How about you learn any ONE thing about doing your own job, before telling us how to do ours”

Trump now felt he needed to “kick things up a notch”.

So, Donald Trump, after ingesting 117 lbs. of higly experimental military grade LSD (which was, ironically, partially developed by a transgender person working in the ARMY’s research and development division), decided to start threatening American citizens, who live in the states of senators who vote against giving giant tax cuts, to Donald Trump, via the GOP healthcare bill.

He did this. He actually threatened (via his administration of the undead), American citizens who live in Alaska, (which, like Hawaii, is an actual place in the United States, despite the views of “Beleaguered” Jeff Sessions, who maintains that Hawaii is “a flavor of ice cream”).

Sen. Lisa Murkowski, and and Dan Sullivan, Alaska’s other senator, had received amazingly FUN phone calls from Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, stating that Alaska could pay a price at the Trump administration’s hands as a result of Murkowski’s vote.

Zinke told them:

“Our dark overlord Trump will wreak havok in Alaska and punish all residents of Alaska, as we see fit. To oppose us is death. We will see you suffer, and we will bathe in your tears. We will merrily drink the blood of your children, and laugh at your pleas. Alaska will burn like Sodom for vexing Trump, and your suffering will be an aphrodisiac that compels us to cause MORE suffering. Alaska will be made an example of our wrath. All other states be forewarned, if you desire not to suffer a similar fate. WE’RE THE GODS NOW! WE’RE THE GODS! Bwa ha ha. Bwa ha ha ha”.

Inspiring words indeed.

Many Alaskans who voted for Trump, feel that they should indeed be severely punished for having a senator who wouldn’t vote to take away all their medicare, and medicaid, and all other social services, in order to give those funds to very rich people.

Said Alaskan Trump supporter, Candice Spencer: “Whatever punishment Trump sees fit, is what we deserve. We vexed him, and deserve to be punished. He should be allowed to do anything he wants, and break any laws he wants, if that’s what makes him happy. My life for him”

Another Alaskan Trump supporter, Constance Noring, added: “We Alaskans NEED to suffer for upsetting him. I myself have a large operable tumor, that I should’ve had removed, but I won’t, and will instead allow it to metastasize and kill me, leaving my children orphans, just as a show of protest for my belief that low income Americans shouldn’t be able to have medical treatment if they can’t properly afford it.”

I Also spoke with Phillip Degrave, another Trump supporter, from Alaska, who added:

“I’ve been flogging myself with a barbed whip for days in self-flagellation, and praying for Trump’s divine forgiveness. My entire back is bleeding profusely and it’s all I deserve, for having a senator who opposes Trump’s will, by trying to defend us. We deserve all he does to us, as we pray for forgiveness.”

Written By Steven W. Rouach

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