Truth In Satire

Trump Calls First 100 Days “Truly Record Breaking, No Matter What The Fake Media Tells You”

President quotes statistics from questionable news source to back up claim of major accomplishments

Busy, busy, busy. (Credit: The New Yorker)

President Trump pointed to a record-setting 19-rounds of golf since he took office on Jan. 20, 2017, as proof that he is off to a productive presidential start.

“According to GolfNewsNet.com — a very reliable source, by the way — this puts me on pace to visit the golf course more than 650 times in my eight-year presidency. No other president comes close!”

Mr. Trump went on to say that his focus, stamina, athleticism, and testosterone levels are what permitted him to squeeze in almost two dozen rounds of golf in just 100 days, while also serving in the demanding job of President of the United States.

“Who else do you know who could do that?” asked the president. “No one, right? That’s why America is so lucky to have me making it great again.”

When asked about his legislative accomplishments, generally considered a truer measure of the early effectiveness of a new administration, Mr. Trump seemed agitated and dismissive. “Look, we’ll get to all that governing stuff soon enough. In the meantime, knocking two strokes off my handicap is not something to ignore — it’s incredibly impressive. If you don’t realize that, then you don’t understand the game of golf. I do. I’m smart.”

In addition to breaking presidential records for his achievements on the golf course, Mr. Trump stated that he was also able to burnish his credentials with his lady friend of 35 years, a woman he calls “Miss Ivy,” by taking her on several trips aboard Marine One (see photos below).

President Trump and his girlfriend of 35 years, Miss Ivy, successfully walking toward the Marine One helicopter.
The president with his special lady about to board Marine One. This is how an experienced and accomplished leader guides a be-heeled woman across natural turf.

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