TRUMP related headlines from the alternate universe (Earth C-137).
Wish we were here…
WASHINGTON POST: Today, Hillary Clinton continues NOT to spend $100 million taxpayer dollars per year playing golf in her own resorts, and making the secret service pay for their own rooms. This is no surprise to everyone, everywhere.
NY Daily News: America’s leadership decides NOT to tweet World War 3. — “It would be foolish to flippantly start a nuclear war. Only a lunatic or a complete idiot would do that…”, says first female American president.
LA TIMES: NON-KKK America still celebrating narrow Trump loss. “Imagine the horrors if that lunatic WON?” Says: random sane person.
Wall Street Journal: James Comey indicts Donald Trump on 200 counts of money laundering, and 3 counts of Treason. Also, the Justice Department, and the FBI are still things that exist, here on Earth.
NY TIMES: Hillary Clinton continues to vex Vladimir Putin, stands tough against Russia’s failed attempt to interfere with the 2016 election.
BBC NEWS: DONALD TRUMP JR. also indicted for treason and money laundering, says his crimes are a result of his hardships of not having been born with a chin, which effected his judgement. A tearful Trump jr said: “Being born without a chin, I can’t eat soup. And, when I attempt to shave I wind up shaving down into my chest, because there’s no chin there to stop the razor”.
CNN: President Clinton condemns racism, violence and hatred, angering the KKK, and Nazis. Clinton’s policies also anger GOP billionaires who now have to pay taxes despite not wanting to pay taxes.
POLITIFACT: Known racist and former senator, Jefferson Sessions, leaves the tree where he makes cookies to ask to be made attorney general. Hillary Clinton falls off her chair laughing, before denying Sessions’ request.
MOTHER JONES: Eric Trump, indicted for money laundering, asks to not be charged as an adult, due to being a large “not-fully-formed-fetus”.
— “My facial features look exactly like a first trimester ultrasound, and my fontanel still haven't closed! My head is VERY soft on top. I’m closer to infant than man. I shouldn’t have to be charged as an adult. My diet is 100% Similac since I was born”. Said Eric Trump.
Reuters: Elon Musk, pretending to give an exclusive tour of his new space craft to selected senior anchors of FOX News, quickly ran out of the ship, locked the hatch, and launched Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, and the entire cast of ‘Fox and Friends’ deep into space. Said Musk “Oh, I HATE propaganda! That stuff is for messed up Third-World Nations led by insane madmen, it’s not for good old America with a provably sane female president”.
Many are calling Musk’s actions “truly heroic”.
Written by Steven W. Rouach
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