Trump says he would have run into school shooting, No, he really said that. No, really. He really did.

Mr. Bone Spurs overcomes physical handicap to mentally run into mass shootings.

“Wait… I’m president of WHAT now? -How did THAT happen?” Says befuddled, ADHD stricken, maniacal, Alzheimer’s patient.

I know. — I make things up sometimes… For example I’m not absolutely sure that Mike Pence’s inauguration dance with his wife/mother caused the entire town from “Footloose” to reenact their strict “No Dancing” policy, because it was just THAT disturbing. I just assume that it’s true. However, in the words of the great Dave Barry, “I SWEAR I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!” (Or, in my own words: “I SWEAR ON DAVE BARRY I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!”)

Trump was addressing the profoundly tragic events in Parkland, Florida, and his AMAZINGLY cartoonish idea of endorsing Student / Teacher shootouts (like Laser-Tag, except with really, really, scary looking bullets), in lieu of just not allowing people with a history of violence and /or mental illness, from purchasing military grade weaponry.

So, Trump said, in response to a school shooting: 

“You don’t know until you’re tested, but I think, I really believe I would have run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon,”. 
(Sounds of crickets…)

Trump said that. With his mouth. He really did. No, seriously… He opened his mouth, one of Jimmy Hoffa’s shoes fell out of it, and he said he would have run into the hail of bullets in Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida… Him. Donald Trump. That guy you keep seeing on TV, like “Poltergeist”. Him.

I don’t know until I’m tested, -but I wonder if I could lift the entire Empire State Building off of its foundations, and just throw it at Trump next time he’s in NY… (if only to prevent him from scaling the side of that building, carrying a screaming Fay Wray under one arm, and swatting at bi-planes). Here’s that:

Exactly what I’m trying to prevent….

His entire quote was, verbatim:

“You don’t know until you’re tested, but I think I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon, and I think most of the people in this room would have done that, too,”.

The people in the room, a collection of Governors, responded as such.

“HUH ?!?”

And they looked like this! This is a picture of them, below.


They then went on to say: “Wait… WHAT?!?”… and immediately fled from the room in a panic…

So, to recap, Trump, after ingesting an entire can of Easy-Off oven cleaner, and, several ounces of a highly classified “peyote-like substance” that NASA found inside of a crashed alien spacecraft, — delivered this …oh, I guess let’s just call it “a sentence”,… on Earth, where we live, for all residents of this world to ponder over.

Now, we, of course, know if Trump was to ever run into a school shooting, it would only be to collect people to use as human shields.

Even Trump’s supporters, when pressed, will admit there is NO WAY Trump is running into shootings. There’s an eventual limit to everyone’s suspensions of disbelief. This is that limit.

So, I think we can all agree, whatever side of the political spectrum you’re on, that this is not only the goofiest thing Trump has ever said, but probably the goofiest thing ever said by anyone, *since the first spoken words from the caveman days.
(*“Yabba dabba doo”, is mankind’s earliest recorded statement.)

Close your eyes, but just for a moment, because it breaks my heart to lose you for even that long. Imagine you just woke up from being cryogenically frozen for three years, because you heroically helped science. Someone tells you as you’re just thawing out, that: a president of the United States of America, after a horrible tragic shooting event, said, to a group of Governors:

“You don’t know until you’re tested but I think I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon and I think most of the people in this room would have done that, too,”.

Then, they tell you WHO it was that said that, and the terrifying and comedic condition that America is now in…
and you, naturally, volunteer for another three years frozen,… and I think most of the people in this room would have done that, too.

Written by Steven W. Rouach

©2018 SWRouach

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