Truth In Satire
Trump Calls Marine Nude Photo Scandal “My Number One Priority”
“It is my duty as commander in chief to review all the evidence in this case to ensure that justice is served”
Saying that he had lots of experience with the sexual exploitation of women before becoming president, Donald Trump is insisting on a larger role in the investigation of the unfolding Marine nude photo scandal.
“It is disgraceful that the Marines United group would share compromising photos of female Marines on Facebook, accompanied by sexually degrading comments, and not alert their commander in chief,” said President Trump.
“These women are victims now and it is my duty to console them and give them the emotional and physical support they need during this traumatic time,” he continued. “That is one of the most important responsibilities of the commander in chief, to let our female Marines know that their president is on top of them…I mean, on top of this heinous conduct.”
Last week, a Defense Department inquiry revealed that a secret Facebook page operated by the Marines United group of active, inactive, and veteran service members posted thousands of nude photographs of several dozen female Marines — photos taken and posted without their knowledge or consent.
The president called the group’s act, “toxic masculinity at its worst,” a sentiment echoed by his nearly all-male cabinet and inner circle of male advisers, who will also be involved in the investigation.
Defense Secretary James “Mad Dog” Mattis, another older male, condemned the Marines’ conduct, saying it was “unacceptable and counter to unit cohesion.”
The president, however, challenged Mattis’ comments saying that he, and only he as commander in chief, could decide “exactly what is acceptable and how many nude photos can be posted before it is considered absolutely and totally unacceptable.”
In a statement, The White House said that Mr. Trump would begin meeting with female Marines to offer presidential comfort, “as soon as the First Lady returns to New York from her weekend in Washington.”
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